My son is turning 18 next month and at this moment we have a wonderful relationship. The best it’s ever been. My worry is that I am at the top of the hill waiting to go down at 110 mph.
It was almost torturous to parent him. There were calls almost everyday from either his teacher or principal about how he either was doing any work or did something really bad. Then came high school which made me long for the days his was in elementary school. He constantly skipped and refused to do any work and I definately feared for his future. Every school year started with promise until November with the “Notification of Absence” E-mails and phone calls came in and then the disappointing report card. I could go on and on. I was scared to be hopeful because every time I was, I was let down and each time I was let down, it hurt more than the last. After a particularily scary incident earlier this year, things have improved a bit. I think a combination of the incident and maturity helped my son focus a bit and give him a some motivation. A book Yes, Your Teen is Crazy by Michael Bradley was recommended highly to me by our community police officer. The book describes how your child’s brain is not fully developed until they are 25 and expect them to make idiotic decisions up until then. I found comfort in this book and I became honest with my son about my feelings without trying to make him feel guilty about trying to give Mom a nervous breakdown. I learned from the book that we as parents must try to be as understanding as possible with our child’s attitude and rebellion because maturity will usually bring them to their senses. Patience, love and understanding I found were the underlying themes in this book. He would get punished when he was bad but I took the emotional lectures out of the pictures because they were useless. For whatever reason he slowly began to trust me. It’s hard for me to trust him after all the times he’s let me down but I explain my issues to him and he addresses them. Then we usually make a comprimise. We are a work in progress.
I found with my son and some other children with learning disabilities that these kids really feed off of your emotion. In the long run my son definately responded better when emotion was taken out of the discussions. It forces them to get defensive and indignant and when a child feels like that, especially an LD-er the will never cave. I think most of us parents need to pick our battles and really think when we are screaming at out kids if we are fighting for power. LD-ers never respond well to this. Mind you I’ve screamed so much at times at my son I’ve gotten laryngitis oh, and that reminds me, I still need to fix that doorframe I broke when I slammed my bedroom door!
Godspeed Parents.
Nicole
